Giving and getting freedom, even when that choice is difficult

I think that one of the hardest lessons to learn is that in order to have freedom, you have to give freedom to others. I am 35 years old, and I have known this intellectually for some time. Practicing this concept in everyday life is difficult. I am not alone in this. People who want their own freedom often repress others. People who want the freedom to marry the person of the opposite sex they love feel they have the right to block people of the same sex from marrying the person they love, for example. When the issue is as bright and broad as that, I can see what is right and wrong. When it as small as another player’s right to do what they want at the RPG table, it can be difficult.

I have always wanted to be myself at the table, but that is not always possible. Sometimes, you’re truest expression of your character in a circumstance can trample the joy/plans/needs to another player. I accidently did that recently. My truest expression of my character made another player miserable. I would like to have means to just play the way I find fun, but do I have the right if it hurts another player?

Similarly, I have had to understand that someone else’s ideas for their character might leave me shaking my head. In our Dark Sun game one of my fellow gamers just had a scene that left me shocked. His goal had been to get back with his wife, who was stolen away by his former best friend. He did not do what I thought he should do – but I kept it to myself, because it was not my damn business. It was HIS moment in the game, not mine. It only effected his character, so I had no right to say a word.

That understanding and detachment is much harder when another player’s actions do directly influence your own character. Again, in our long running Dark Sun game my character Zarnian was very tied to the House of the Painted Eye, while everyone else had their own individual storylines. Now, that patience is rewarded and I have become an adopted member of the House. But, because I have been so tied to the House for so long, I sometimes wonder if it means more to me than the others. I know they care, but as much as me?

Such thoughts can make you insane, honestly, especially when the other players can do things that can damage ‘the House’. But who am I to judge? What they deem best for the House and their character and what I think is best for the House and my character may not connect. But that is the point where I need to let go.

I need to understand that I have had a long, successful run with my character and even if something happens that brings the game to a close because of another player’s choices, I need to breathe and be ok. I now know that I can let go and just enjoy my character. After all, once I give them freedom I will have more freedom to just enjoy being me.