My Real Life Pathfinder Adventure and Learning How to be ME Again

Like a little kid excited about Christmas morning, I forced myself out of bed. Quickly I fed the cats, did my hair and makeup, and slipped on my clothes which I laid out the night before. Next, I gather the food I also prepared last night. Cursing the fact I was already not as early as intended, I rushed down to Imperial Outpost to play in my first Pathfinder Society game.

As soon as I arrived, it was chaos. Today was also Magic ’14 pre-release and there was an epic turn out of Pathfinders. I was worried about getting a spot, but it was sorted out and I sat down to play. With me at the table were four men I never met before and my excitement, big enough to have a chair of its own, because this was a HUGE step for me. Let me explain.

I started gaming three and a half years ago. Jason has been gaming since he was a kid, and when we got married I was fine with not gaming, but these separations rarely last long. Soon I tried Supernatural RPG, then Warhammer Fantasy Role Playing System, my first true system love. I played a smattering of one shots in other systems. I started feeling like a gamer. Then, stuff happened to erode my confidence. It happens, but then more and more and more happened. It does not need to be listed here, but I was left with a spinning head wondering if I should be a gamer. Was I capable, let alone good? What the hell was I doing? This culminated in a mental breakdown (don’t ask) and the deep knowledge that I needed to do SOMETHING.

When you have been doing an activity (gaming in my case) and you need to make a change, you have a few options. I could not change who I was playing with or what I was playing, or even my character in most of our regular games. Those options off the table, I could technically quit, but I didn’t want to and that would be pretty shitty to both Jason and the rest of the group. Quitting was a non-option. But I needed to do something, still. I decided to try gaming in Pathfinder Society.

For those that don’t know, Pathfinder Society is the gaming equivalent of men’s bathhouses in San Francisco in the 70’s. You create a character and then join in events with other people that want quick anonymous gaming. It is quick, free and liberating.

Today was the first step. I played and gained XP for my character. Two more XP and she’ll be level two, YAY! I learned more about my character, I learned more about myself and what I need to be happy. Real life XP is even better and character XP. I came home and hugged my husband because he is an amazing DM. I knew that before, I know it better now. But most of all, I feel taller and braver now than I did at this time yesterday, all because I got off my ass and tried something new.